“Writing is ultimately a form of movement. Moving static energy, moving grief, moving your arms and hands, moving forward, moving your heart, moving others, moving back into truth and alignment. ”
- Victoria Erickson, Poet + Friend
New Online Course Announcement!
RE-Wild Yourself from Narcissistic Abuse
Online course & 40-pg e-Workbook
Hello and thanks for stopping by!
Beyond seeking continuing education and training as a Relationship/Sex Therapist, I learn so much from sitting and witnessing my clients in the therapy room or online in our sessions.
When I received my LPC-Associate’s license to practice mental health in Texas, and in learning from relationship trends on social media and YouTube, I learned quickly that there is a need for navigating relationships with people that present with personality disorders, grandiosity, narcissistic tendencies and for some, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
I have led several group therapy groups for people that are working with these various things in both romantic relationships, previous romantic relationships, marriages, long-term relationships, with family members, friends and colleagues in the work place.
After creating my first FREE web app on Narcissistic Abuse education & awareness and offering it as a free resource for the past two years, I have improved the content and turned it into what is now an affordable online course & 40-page e-Workbook.
Disclaimer: This online course & 40-page e-Workbooks IS NOT a replacement for therapy.
It provides education, videos, presentations, quizzes and more to help you to learn and discover and provide you with helpful tools.
The online course is available for $19 through 7/31/23.
I will be offering random promos on my Instagram and Professional Facebook page as well.
#DatingTips & What to Look for After Getting Out of a #Toxicrelationship
Healing from a toxic relationship or narcissistic abusive relationship can be hard and challenging.
I most definitely recommend working with a therapist that is educated, specializes and can work with you on healing your grief, attachment wounds, trauma bonds, PTSD and your attachment style.
Healing yourself is the first step before dating or starting that next relationship.
Re-entering the dating world after being in a toxic relationship is going to be challenging. It can bring up trust issues, your past experiences or trauma(s), grief waves and more.
Before you dive back into the online dating world, I recommend doing a Relationship Values Inventory. Define what you are wanting in a relationship and what your needs are first and foremost. This includes getting clear on if you prefer a monogamous or consensual non-monogamous relationship. Once you have done this, then you know what you are looking for and you’re ready to get started!
Dating is essentially getting out and meeting people. If you notice you get “clingy” or start imprinting with the first few people you meet, this is RED FLAG to check in with yourself and call your therapist.
When you go out on dates with new people, ask them what their sexuality is, if they know what their “attachment style” is and if they have healed from their previous relationships.
Ask them what their love & apology languages are. Also be sure to ask if they are seeking a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship. You just never know these days!
Save yourself some time and energy and get straight to their values & facts!
It’s high time everyone gets education on #relationshipscience and what it takes to have a healthy relationship. READ THAT AGAIN! If they scoff at you for asking, that’s a RED FLAG and move right and get back to swiping!
Get familiar with being uncomfortable because you are going to meet several people that don’t align with your relationship values. This is why it’s so important to do that exercise, before you start dating.
Take your time and take it slow! Especially if you are an anxious attacher.
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The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) lists nine criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
RED FLAGS TO LOOK FOR WHEN DATING:
Lack of empathy
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
The belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
Need for excessive admiration
Sense of entitlement
Interpersonally exploitative behavior
Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
Why People Seek Out Sex Therapy
Wait, what? Sex therapy? That’s right. SEX. Therapy.
It’s a specialized type of therapy that most professional counselors, marriage & family therapists, social workers, and even medical doctors are NOT trained in.
Beyond being a relationship/couples therapist, relational trauma therapist and narcissistic abuse recovery therapist, I love being a sex therapist and helping others in the areas
There are a laundry list of reasons why individuals, couples and people in consensual non-monogamous relationships reach out to work with a sex therapist:
#1 - Desire Discrepancy
#2 - Performance Anxiety
#3 - Spicing Up Your Sex Life
#4 - How to Talk More Openly About Sex w/ your spouse/partner
#5 - Wanting More Emotional Connection/Intimacy w/ your spouse/partner
#6 - Sexless Marriage
#7 - Sexual Shame from religion / familial conditioning
#8 - Sex After Menopause
#9 - Arousal/Orgasm Issues
Anorgasmia
Erectile Dysfunction
#10 - Sex After Sexual Abuse / Sex After an Abusive Relationship
#11 - Out of Control Sexual Behavior
Porn “Addiction”
Sex “Addiction”
AAESECT’s stance on sex “addiction”
Porn “Addiction”
#12 - Sex After Having Children
#13 - Erotic Exploration
Don’t Let the Hamster Win!
The “hamster wheel” feeling within a relationship is no joke! Sounds like it’s time for some RE-Wilding in your relationship! There is help and you have options!
“A relationship is an investment that will build as you continue to devote your time and effort. The more you put in, the more you’ll get back.”
- Sumesh Nair
It’s VERY easy to get stuck in the “hamster wheel “of life and also in your relationship/marriage.
Let’s face it, when you have the complexity of juggling your relationship, work/career, kids, pets, parents, grandparents, friends, extra curricular activities, hobbies, etc, it can be challenging to squeeze one more thing into your weekly schedule.
Most couples wait years to get into couples therapy.
Oftentimes, before it’s too late!
Research shows couples who participate in intensive therapy sessions better retain the skills and tools needed to work through such conflicts.
THIS is where COUPLES/SEX THERAPY INTENSIVES become a great solution and investment into your relationship/marriage.
Benefits of a Couples/Sex Therapy Intensive:
Less distractions - No kids, no drop-offs, no errands in between.
Just you and your spouse/partner immersed in a weekend togetherA 2-3 day relationship/marriage intensive is equivalent to 3-6 months of therapy
Receiving personalized and attentive couples/sex therapy based off of an assessment of your relationship
Co-regulated, connected communication between you and your partner
Short-term therapy with long-term positive effects
Goals w/in a Couples/Sex Therapy Intensive:
Communication
Improved closeness & connection
Improved affection
Trust
Intimacy
Conflict Resolution & Working Together as a Team
Compassion
Empathy
Better “SEX”
Most couples therapists have NO training in sex therapy —AND— most couples therapy intensives leave out the SEX part!Add some variety or exploration in
(Intro to Tantra, Kink or BDSM (upon request!))
Why an AirBnb vs. a traditional couples therapy office?
Comfort
Privacy
Homework & Relationship Practice
Don’t let the hamster win!
Courage - the most important step towards change & transformation
COURAGE is the ability to do something that frightens oneself. It is the most important thing you can do to make a step towards your own personal change and transformation.
The hardest part of leaving a toxic relationship can be reaching out for help because it feels familiar and comfortable. It is even harder if you have children and are co-parenting an abusive or toxic partner.
It will require the support of close friends, trusted family members and trauma-trained therapists/professionals that are committed to change.
When you hear the call of courage, it’s time to MAKE A PLAN OF ACTION.
There are a lot of things you have to figure out before you decide to leave:
Money and finances are two aspects of life that can easily get enmeshed when in a toxic relationship. They can also become a source of power and control when dealing with a narcissist.
KNOW YOUR FINANCES, INVESTMENTS & ASSETS!
I cannot stress this enough... You must know how much money you have, where it is located and how to access your accounts. I cannot tell you how many times I have worked with clients or have heard from friends that don’t have access to their funds, investments or assets. If you have shared accounts and don’t know what your log-ins and passwords are, have that conversation with your spouse/partner and create a log-in/password spreadsheet. You can create a free account with Google Sheets.
FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO GO
Where are you going to live? Who are you going to live with?
For some, there are options to live with a friend or family member.
For others, homelessness is the only option. I have included the United States Homeless Shelter Directory here if you need this link as a resource.
FIND AN ATTORNEY
If you are needing an attorney and are scared to reach out because you know they are expensive, there is still support.
The American Bar Association provides free legal help.
You can find more information here.
From my experience in working with clients domestic violence and sexual assault victims, having the COURAGE TO LEAVE is THE hardest leap. Once you have your support system in tact, then you can start to make the necessary steps forward to making big changes happen in your life.
I created the nullify the narc app as a supplement to your support system that is needed to leave a toxic relationship.
• This app has a one-month FREE trial.
This gives you one-month to go through the Narcissistic Abuse education and awareness presentations.
• After that it’s $9.99/month to go through the designated in-app purchase online courses that will set you up to begin your healing & recovery process.
The FREE education & awareness presentations and meditations include:
• What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
• Why is narcissistic abuse traumatic?
• What is trauma and complex trauma (C-PTSD)?
• What are the different types of narcissism?
• Tactics the narc uses
• #1 fear of the narcissist
• Boundaries
• Examples of Healthy Boundaries
• Discern when it is healthy to BLOCK the narc
• What is trauma bonding?
• Grief & Heartbreak: The Stages, what to expect & Common Myths
• Evidence-based trauma treatment: Introduction to Internal Family Systems
The in-app online courses include:
• Your Personal Relationship History & Discovery course
• How to begin breaking trauma bonds?
• Working with trauma bonds and grief at the same time
• Grief exercise: Identify Your Losses
• Create and implement healthy boundaries course - Assertiveness training
• Rediscover and Redefine Your Values course
• Evidence-based trauma treatment | Internal Family Systems: Get to Know Your System - Working w/ protective parts, Unburdening Exiles
• What to expect from a healthy relationship after getting out of a TOXIC relationship w/ a narc
• 60 Day Affirmation Challenge
• Daily, weekly and monthly coping strategies
• More BONUS content additions
• Advice from industry experts in finance & family law
• Group coaching options w/ Malia
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National Domestic Violence Hotline
Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Learn more
800-799-7233
Hearing the cries behind the walls
I have been there myself w/ a previous boss, with a few previous friends, and romantic relationships. It’s awful and painful and at times can feel impossible to get out of bed or take your next step.
I witness clients first-hand when the light turns on and they realize they are in unhealthy, toxic and a lot of the times in a narcissistic relationships w/ partners or spouses, friends, family, bosses, and/or even children.
I see the cries for help daily in various private Facebook groups I’m in. It seems everywhere I turn these days, someone is dealing with a toxic relationship of some kind.
Narcissistic abuse causes emotional damage and is cumulative. It can also be hard to pinpoint at times. It’s easy for some to assume the best intentions from the people who claim to love us.
Sandra L. Brown, founder of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education, describes in her article, 60 Million Persons in the U.S. Negatively Affected by Someone Else’s Pathology, how she arrived at this staggering figure: “There are 304 million persons in the U.S. One in 25 people will have the disorders associated with ‘no conscience’ which include anti-social personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Three hundred and four million divided by 25 = 12.16 million people with no conscience. Each anti-social/psychopath will have approximately five partners who will be negatively affected by their pathology = 60.8 million people!”
The number is staggering and eye-opening!
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness has grown tremendously over the years. There is a lot free education available on various YouTube channels and on therapy and coaching websites.
There is also a bridge to gap between narcissistic abuse, trauma education, awareness and also the individual healing process for the individual. We know that healing isn’t linear and everyone’s story and process is different.
I am very aware now that working with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery population is a part of my journey as a coach and soon to be an
LPC-A in Texas. My pre-graduate clinical experience at YWCA Austin & ReSpark Foundation specifically during 2019-2020 opened my eyes to what a global epidemic this really is. There are so many crying out for help behind the walls because they are terrified to leave, trapped in trauma bonds and don’t know where to go or how to make the next step towards recovery.
We are talking 60.8 million and growing people on the planet. It crushes a part of my heart and also helps fuels me everyday to help serve and help protect.
I am utilizing my time while studying to sit for the National Counseling Exam to create, write and publish an Education app. The app will offer different sources of education and support every budget. The Covid pandemic skyrocketed the use of educational apps. By utilizing the app platform, my goal is to be able to reach and help more people that are suffering from this awful global epidemic.
For more information, sign up for the nullify the narcissist℠ email newsletter to receive the app launch notification!
Reference:
Brown, S. L., MA. (2010, August 08). 60 Million Persons in the U.S. Negatively Affected by Someone Else’s Pathology. Retrieved April 16, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pathological-relationships/201008/60-million-people-in-the-us-negatively-affected-someone-elses